MARCH 2001
The Professionals - What a great theme tune, and the Capri that smashes through the window, brilliant eh? However what about the professionals a bit closer to home. The full time, full pay players of the Nationwide Conference. Following the turmoil that has happened at Telford United this month, the question is can a club win the Conference without going full time?
 
In my opinion the answer is no, not anymore. The boundary between the 3rd Division and the top of the Conference has been blurred somewhat in the last couple of years. This can be seen in the amount of TV coverage that the Digital Companies are beginning to give to the Teams in the Conference. To win the Conference and gain promotion to the 3rd Division, clubs really have to have a 3rd Division set-up long before considering making a serious attempt to gain promotion. As part of the League's acceptance of clubs not only do they have to have a ground up to the required standard, but also have to prove to the League that they are financially stable. This is because the League never recovered from Maidstone going out of business and have been paranoid ever since. So there is no point winning the Conference and then not gaining promotion because they can't afford to go full time. Another factor is that the League like to look after their own. They have done a deal that in exchange for a second promotion place from the Conference, the relegated 3rd Division team will be compensated for lost revenue. Eh! We're so sorry that you are crap, here have some more money to get back into our league, mates. The relegated clubs stay full time and also get a bonus. The Non-league clubs are up against it from the start.
 
The problem now, and sadly too, is that clubs in the Non-league have to concentrate on finance firstly and football secondly. With the pyramid in place the better teams and also better set up teams are beginning to filter out. Yet, the very scenario that clubs need to put in place could be the scenario that puts them out of business. In case anyone doesn't know the events at Telford United then here is the history lesson. Millionaire Andrew Shaw becomes chairman of the club and sacks the current manager. He appoints a full-time manager and begins to sign ex-league players on full-time contracts. Then the ground is demolished and a �10M stadium is erected in its place. With 3 sides to the ground finished and the team heading for mid-table Andrew Shaw decides that he has lost patience with the 'lack' of support for the club (despite increasing prices mid-way through a mediocre season to �9!) and has said he will no longer put any more money into the club. As from next season Telford United will become a part-time team again. I don't know if Andrew Shaw believed his team would be promoted straight into the Premier League, but somewhere along the way he must have lost touch with football as an unforgiving, unpredictable, enjoyable game and could only see the $$ in his marketable commodity that became Telford United. It seems to be a case of too much too soon for Telford. Let's hope they don't regress any further, because they should be regarded as one of the top 10 non-league clubs in the country and if they can't survive, who can?
 
There are always exceptions to the rule. Ru$d�n & Diamond$ are that exception. Everyone knows the story behind Rushden Town and Irthlingborough Diamonds. They do have the advantage of having an extremely rich benefactor, which is why we all hate them, but they have also gone about it in the right way. The club as it exists today has evolved with the help of money over the last decade, not bought off the shelf with a huge bag of cash. For Non-league clubs to become full-time is a statement that they intend to make a serious push for promotion to the League. If the club has not evolved to the point where that is a realistic option, on and off the pitch, then they shouldn't consider becoming full-time.
 
Unfortunately I think the fine line of that decision will cause a great deal of turmoil for a few more clubs yet.
 
A big game to start the month with...
as Dave Busst brought his unbeaten away from home Solihull Borough to Mott and Bailey Middlefield. With their away form and our home record, which would give? Well a Karl Brennan early goal, which can only be described as a 30 yard screaming bullet and the best goal scored at home this season, added to a Lucas early goal decided it. The eventual score finishing 2-1 to Hinckley it was a well-deserved win over a very well organised team. The return game at Gresley Rovers followed quickly and a scrappy, midfield battle, as you'd expect at Gresley, was won 1-0 with a Titterton goal. This game was also Stuart Storer's debut for Hinckley. Another local derby came after a free Saturday gave us a week's rest. After a fairly even 1st half, the second half opened with goals for either side. On his home debut Stuart Storer laid the ball on a plate for Brennan to hammer it home. Almost straight away though Rich Lavery (who else?) came up with one of his patented tackles from his Hong Kong book of Kung-Foo. Oops, penalty, goal, 1-1. Hinckley edged themselves in front after super-sub Paul Hunter set up Jamie Lenton to finish from a tight angle. Then Dave Sadler wrapped it up nicely in injury time, 3-1. The big test of the month at Bristol next. Away to Mangotsfield is probably up there with the Tiverton away game as the least looked forward to this season. Nick Preston's 2nd goal this season (nosebleed time) and a goal from Paul Hunter, on an unusual day for him as he started the game actually on the pitch, saw Hinckley take a 2-0 lead. Then immediately Mangotsfield pulled one back, and after Jamie Lenton's 2nd red card of the season (which I'm told was not as funny as the one against Cirencester), they equalised from the penalty spot. Fair play to the 10 men as they held on, and another hard battle ended in a draw 2-2.
 
A break from the League and a semi-final too, the Westerby Cup game against Oadby. Would our old boy, Marc Orton, return to haunt us? Er�no. Jamie Lenton, playing as a striker, scored the only goal to get us into the final, at Filbert Street against Barwell.
 
Back to the league and Sutton Coldfield draw specialists very nearly got what they came for, a draw. Having snuffed out the midfield and grabbed an opportunist goal they were happy to drag the game down into a mire. The midfield continued to battle hard and got some reward with Sadler equalising just before half time. Sutton had no other tactic other than 'hoof' so the second half was much of the same. Hinckley only had to bide their time and wait for Sutton to wear out, which they did, and Sadler again sealed a win. Though there was one bright spot in the game. Chris Keogh, Sutton player/manager, did his best to impersonate Terry Butcher after a clash of heads with Jamie Lenton. However he won't be on 'Stars in their Eyes' for a while, as he looked more like the Mummy from Scooby Doo. A trip to Meadow Park followed that. To last years relegated (and not bitter about it at all) team, Gloucester. Their season is over so I suppose there is no reason for them to play football. 5 yellow cards for Gloucester tells you how they played. After our players had picked up their various limbs we eventually won 2-0. Goals from Hunter and Lenton did the business, as they seem to have throughout March. The final game of the season was another er� blockbuster. The well travelled Phil Mullen came with his top table Evesham side, to try and close the gap at the top of the table. Like most sides that have come to Middlefield this season though they played very defensively. Even though they needed the win more than we did they seemed happy for the ball to ricochet around the midfield. Hinckley took the lead with an own goal, but what an own goal. An 'exocet' header from the edge of the area from Steve McCarten left the Evesham keeper rooted to the spot. It was such an excellent own goal it was almost 'Dowiesque'. McCarten made up for his early Easter present as he equalised from the penalty spot. The game fizzled out into a 1-1 bore draw, but both sets of supporters were left hanging on while the ref' somehow found almost 10 miutes of injury time. I must have missed the heart bypass operation taking place in the center circle.
 
So the month of March finished unbeaten, top of the table with a 9 point gap and into a Final at Filbert Street. Complain if you will, but it don't get better than that.
 
In out, Shake it all about
Paul Olner has left the club. Shame really as I thought he was half-decent. There are still 8 games to go and the 1st Team squad does seem a bit thin. The experience of Stuart Storer is a godsend and the permanent signings of Craig Smith and Karl Brennan is excellent news in our attempt at achieving Dr Marten Premier football next season. If there are any major injuries, such as Jamie Lenton's head wound, there is still time for it to all go Shape of the Pear. Pessimistic I know but I've suffered 20 odd years of disappointment and won't be happy till it's in the bag.
 
Talking of being in the bag, with only 5 weeks of the season left it is still mathematically possible for the following teams to win the title:
 
Bilston Town
Cirencester Town
Evesham United
Hinckley United
Mangotsfield United
Redditch United
Solihull Borough
Tiverton Town
 
OK, Cirencester would need to win every game 4-0 but it's still possible. Unlikely, but possible.
 
World of Football Stuff
 
Fair play to Gresley Rovers supporters. There I was watching the 2nd Test match between Sri Lanka and England, in Kandy, When what should I spy behind the batter's head but a huge St George with Gresley Rovers emblazoned across the middle. They should've put the website address on it.
 
Wycombe Wanderers beat Leicester City and book themselves a place in the FA Cup Semi Final. The same Wycombe that were a non-league club in 1993. They score the winner in injury time and Steve Brown celebrates by taking his shirt off to reveal the name of his son, Maxwell, who at the age of 15 months has already survived 20 life saving operations on his throat. This was the first game that young Maxwell had been well enough to attend ever, so you can understand Steve Brown's overwhelming emotion in his actions. Apparently not for the referee! Steve Bennet, the referee, duly booked Steve Brown and sent him off for a second yellow card. A booking for removal of a shirt during a game, which FIFA has announced will no longer be deemed as a booking offence from next season. The following day the FA stage the draw for the Semi Final games live on TV while the last of the quarterfinal games is still taking place! It's nice to know that informed and responsible persons are in control of our beautiful game and that the FA has got it's priorities right, by not selling out to the highest bidder!
 
Likewise the Nationwide Conference who have signed a deal with Sky Sports TV to show 10 live games a season plus any end of season play-offs. The games to be shown at 12 noon on Saturdays, between the popular shows of 'Soccer (Football) AM' and 'Soccer (Football) Saturday'. I suppose it'll mean more revenue for the top 10 non-league clubs, but what play-offs? I hope they are not going to mess around with the league format pandering to the Sky Sports Suit and Tie Brigade. Who says the media don't control the game anymore? What next 'Pay-per-view' Dog and Gun vs Cross Keys?
 
Swansea have taken drastic action after psychic, and D list celebrity Reading fan, Uri Gellar insisted that there were 'Black Spirits' at the Vetch Field. The club has asked the Kenyan Boys, who are on tour with the Cottle & Austin Circus, to perform a voodoo dance to cure the apparent problem. A problem that everyone seems to think has nothing to do with the team not being very good! Send in the Clowns.
 
If you go down to the woods today you're in for a big surprise. Oh how true that was for some Worksop Town supporters. The 11 coaches of fans going to the FA Trophy game at Forest Green Rovers were 2 coaches short upon arrival at Nailsworth in Gloucestershire, where Forest Green play. After some frantic phone calls it turned out that the 2 missing coaches had actually arrived in Forest Green. Only it was the Forest Green in Surrey, approximately 100 miles away from where they should have been! Incidentally the battle of the ex-England wingers finished with Tony Daley's Forest Green beating Chris Waddle's Worksop 2 - 1.
 
Popstars 'beauty' Suzanne Shaw, you know the little blonde one from the pop band Hear'Say who looks exactly like the little blonde from the pop band Sclub7, is taking on another new challenge. The Hear'Say band member is a Bury F.C. fan and is vowing to do all she can to rescue the debt-ridden club (except signing over her publishing rights from her songs to the club!). She has joined a local newspaper drive to raise funds needed to stave off bankruptcy. Let's hope in 6 months time that Bury FC are mutual with the sentiments and we see a similar report that they are also joining a local newspaper drive to raise funds to resurrect the flagging career of aforementioned Suzanne Shaw.
 
A Women's Football team missed a penalty and had a goal disallowed, but still managed to beat their opponents 57-0 (fifty-seven, yes!). Willenhall Ladies put 27 goals past Burton Brewers Ladies within the first 45 minutes, as only 8 Burton players managed to start the game. Another 2 Burton players started the 2nd half and they managed to let in a further 30 goals. The West Midlands Women's League game saw every Willenhall player scoring a goal. 2 players managed to score double figures, but still not get anywhere near the ladies world record of 16 goals scored by 1 player in 1 match. 4 International teams have notched up 21-0 victories and the record for a 1st class match is 36-0, held by Arbroath, which has stood for 115 years. That is absolutely amazing� women playing football? Eh?
 
Football dinosaur Bob Blackman was so dismayed as he saw his team losing that he wished the ground would swallow him up, and it did. Chatham Town were losing 0 - 2 to rivals Deal Town when the Terrace gave way and Bob fell into a 2 foot crater. Bob said "It's not the first time in 30 years of watching this lot that I've said I wished the ground to swallow me up, but it's the first time it has actually happened. A paving slab I was stood on tipped up on its end and I disappeared into a muddy hole." To make it worse Chatham lost and were knocked off the top of the Kent League. A fellow fan said "It was comical, all the people in the stand cheered when he fell down." Other peoples misfortune, eh, marvellous isn't it? Oh and no, contrary to most rumours the muddy hole he fell into was not actually Butthole Lane!
 
Next Month: The Final Shed for the season (I'll wait for the 1 game in May before I write it). The 4 games that will probably decide it around Easter. Mangotsfield, Bedworth, Sh*psh*d and Solihull all one after the other. Last home game of the season against Weston - make sure you are there, and kidnap your mates to be there too.
 
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