SEPTEMBER 2001
Sergeant Wilson: "I say, would you all awfully mind winning some games please"
Corporal Jones: "Win some games? Don't panic, don't panic!"
Private Pike: "Uncle Arthur, Uncle Arthur, the defence has gone missing"
Private Godfrey: "My sister Dolly would make an excellent central defender"
Dean Thomas: "Right step forward volunteers to man the defence this week"
Private Frasier: "You're doomed!"
 
Oh dear, a month of 2 halves. 3 wins in 4 games and we were off. Unfortunately by the middle of the month we were off to casualty ward 10 to visit the defence and what was left of the team were taking a hammering at Havant.
Oh I'm H, A, P, P, Y.
70's sitcoms aside, how come the defence has suddenly come down with Leprosy. You wait years for a broken bone and then 3 come along at once. Curse you hand of fate, why do you mock us?
 
Having competed more and learned the lessons of the 1st months games, it looked like we were beginning to get some where. A big away win at Folkestone easily the highlight of the month. Then the rot set in. With most of the first choice defence out with broken bones we just couldn't keep the goals out. We still average 2 goals a game this season, so we've just got to ride out the current defensive ordeal. The team have proved that they can compete at this level and when all the players are fit and available are capable of winning games in this league. Havant and Stafford aside they still have matched teams they've played. So lets just hold in there for the time being and don't panic, yet.
 
Hinckley started the month still looking for their first win...
...and fellow promoted team, Chelmsford City, were also looking for theirs. Hinckley dominated most of the match, and Jamie Lenton put himself on top of the goalscoring table for this season, with 2 second half goals, to give Hinckley their first 3 points in a 2 - 0 win. This also kept intact the unbeaten home record.
Away to Stafford was not a game most people thought we could win. After only 5 minutes a horror injury for Nick Preston was the first very forgettable moment of the night. Preston broke his leg in 2 places and not being a defender on the bench, Hinckley had to slot a midfield player into defence. 4 goals later Hinckley were reeling and only 2 late goals for Paul Hunter, after Stafford had stopped playing, gave any respectability to the score. As expected really Stafford winning 4 - 2.
Hinckley had to follow that with an away game at Folkestone, who were second at the time, and again no one really expected much. However, Lucas gave us a first half lead with Folkestone equalising second half. It stayed that way until 3 minutes from time when Titterton and Hunter scored to give Hinckley their first away win of the season. Hussah!
Conference relegated team Hednesford Town visited the Lane for a midweek match, bringing Kevin Francis with them. All 9ft of him! Andy Penny though kept him in his pocket all night and he never got a sniff really. Another 2 goals for Lenton and 1 apiece for Titterton and Hunter gave Hinckley a 4 - 0 win and pushed them into the top half of the table for the first time this season.
Another promoted team came to the Lane next. Newport from the Isle of Wight, in the battle of the Champions. Newport had not started the season very well and this was a match Hinckley were expected to win. Hinckley started well and scored early on. Andy Penny's first goal for the club taking the lead. Newport battled more and got a deserved equaliser before half time. Hinckley came out pushing in the second half but Newport took the lead with what can only be described as a 'cheeky backheel'. The ball came to Wakefield on the half volley with his back to goal as he tapped it with his heel and Beattie could only stare, with the rest of us, as the ball lobbed up over his head into the net. Newport win 1 - 2 and our home record disappears in their wake.
No chance for a double away to King's Lynn as the previous game ended in a 0 - 0 draw. So this game looked like it was too until the Linnets scored with 10 minutes to go. Paul Hunter rescued a point for Hinckley with another late goal as the game finished 1 - 1.
Probably our hardest game of the season was to follow, away to league leaders and unbeaten Havant & Waterlooville. Liam Daish, ex Cov and Brum, was player manager and in the middle of their defence was not letting anything through him. A 1 - 0 first half lead for Havant was added to in the second half, for Hinckley's makeshift defence just couldn't cope with the onslaught. 4 second half goals, and there could've been more, sent Hinckley crashing to a 5 - 0 defeat. This left our moral in tatters and left Hinckley hovering in 17th place just above the relegation zone.
With the league games out of the way for this month the players would have to raise themselves for the very tricky trip to Bilston for the FA Cup 2nd Qualifying game. Tricky it was too as Bilston with a point to prove came out the strongest, taking the lead. Almost straight away though Hinckley equalised through Andy Penny's head. Then as the game went on Hinckley gained control more and eventually took the lead as Andy Lucas, playing in the cursed No.2 shirt and starting the game on the wide right (?), reverted back to his striking role to score Hinckley's 2nd and 3rd goals in the last 10 minutes.
A rather topsy-turvy month, but finished up just treading water.
 
In out, Shake it all about
Carl Bacon eventually signed this month. The right side defender, who was released by Nuneaton Borough during the close season, had a few friendly games on trial pre season. Dean Thomas decided not to sign him on, but the defensive nightmare has given Bacon his chance. Mick Morrell arrived to bolster the strike force. Having been released by Leigh RMI in the summer, the ex Conference striker joined to add some experience to the forward line. Finally ex League player Scott Eustace signed from Stevenage Borough, an experienced defender who's played for a number of League cubs, and apparently likes a drink.
 
World of Football Stuff
A Sunday League side posed for their club photo in the nude thanks to a thief nicking all their kit. Mapleleaf Rovers hid their (sliding?) tackle with footballs as they lined up in their local park. Player Phil Terry said "The photo shoot was cold and awkward as people were walking past at the time." I think we owe it to the tennis world to say - 'new balls please'.
 
Freddie the Fox has been banned from Rochdale FC for er� behaving like a fox. The Halifax mascot has been told to stay away from Spotland because he cocked his leg against a goal post, in a game that Halifax went on to win. Desmond the Dragon, the Rochdale mascot, was having none of that and dived in starting a brawl. A club official said: "Freddie has been banned for fighting with Desmond. He's quite a fiery character." (No it's a person in a suit!?) A spokesman for the Shaymen added: "Naughty, naughty, very naughty. Got any Veras?" Freddie has already got his revenge as Desmond has been banned for the return match at the Shay. Honestly WWF wrestling has got nothing on this. Wouldn't it be cheaper to sack all the football players and just put all the mascots into a ring and watch 'em go. My money would be Swansea's 'Cyril the Swan', I think he'd win it - by a long neck!
 
Terrified football players ran for cover as an escaped Vulture swooped onto the pitch. Players fled to the changing room and their cars as Bert, an African white-backed Vulture with a 7ft wing span, targeted the ball. Bert had escaped from nearby Whipsnade Zoo and a spokesman said: "He is trained to respond to a keeper's whistle and must have heard the referee blow. The footballers were wearing the same colour shirts as our keepers, so he landed." The Club Chairman added: "He was better than some of our players, at least he showed some aggression." There is no truth in the rumour that being a Vulture he offered to broker the players a move to a bigger club in return for a 10% cut of the sign on fee.
 
A football fan rescued his Premiership club by letting them have his replica shirt for one of their players. Bolton had travelled to Arsenal without an extra away shirt for their new player, Diawara, who was called in at the last minute due to an injury to Nicky Southall. So Bolton staff were sent out into the crowds to look for a replica shirt that didn't have a name on the back. Lee Houghton came to the rescue, after being rushed to the Highbury dressing rooms, and handed over his top. Lee said: "When I took my top off I held my belly in, in the hope they'd go the whole hog and sit me on the bench. I don't know what size Diawara is, but I'm 14st (fat b*st*rd) and my shirt looked tight on Diawara (fatter b*st*rd)."
 
Coming next Month: Home games against high fliers Moor Green and Stafford Rangers, and 3 possible end of season 6 pointers against fellow strugglers Merthyr, Hednesford and Bath. Plus the 3rd Qualifying FA Cup game at Histon.
 
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