September 2004
Gainsborough Programme
Jamie Lenton truly had those lights on full beam at Lancaster. Making his 213th appearance for Hinckley United, he was equalling the record set by former club stalwart Morton Titterton. How did he celebrate? Why by scoring Hinckley's first goal after only two minutes, that's how.
It's not often that this kind of record gets set, indeed Morts record has been standing since the 2001-2002 season. There could probably be no better a person than Jamie to break that record. Jamie has been a great servant for Hinckley United and has been in the right place at the right time on more than one occasion. We can forgive his brief flirtation with blue & white stripes as he was only AWOL over the A5 at Manor Park for 6 months, and didn't play that many games so didn't pick up any bad habits. He is one of the few players surviving from the DM Western Division Championship team of 2001, the others being Neil Cartwright, Richard Lavery and Stuart Storer. His forward attacking runs have not only had defences running for cover but he also chips in with a fair few goals. Lets not forget that he is the clubs second highest goal scorer (behind Dave Sadler) with 68 goals, so far, and a couple of those goals not only 2 of the most important goals scored for Hinckley but would be many peoples greatest memory of Jamie.
Weymouth, October 27th, 2001, FA Cup 4th qualifying match: was it a cross? Or was it a shot? Who cares, into the back of the net the ball went and Hinckley United would make their first appearance in the FA Cup 1st round.
Grays, November 17th, 2001, FA Cup 1st round match: the game poised at 1-1, a free kick to Hinckley on the left and Lenton stands on his own ready to take it. The 5 man wall is lined up covering the near post. Jamie swings at the ball curls it along the floor around the wall and past the despairing dive of Lunan in the Grays goal. Then running around the pitch looking for the 'Match of the Day' camera so his, and the teams, celebration will be on TV.
Other memories for me personally are not only about goals scored, but also credited to Jamie's fiery temper, especially when he has got his 'lights on'. One of these memories goes back to November 2000. Hinckley were at home to Cirencester, who seemed to be a team full of pretty boys, all bleached hair and covered in gel, you know the sort. Anyway Cirencester had took the lead and one young lad in their midfield was pretending he was Pele or something, and Lenton came steaming in, lights on full blast and went straight through the 'Westlife' look-a-like, sending him crashing to the floor. The referee calls over Jamie to have a word and as he does Jamie just tramples over the poor lad still on the floor. You should've heard him squeal like a pig. The ref sees this and it's straight RED for Jamie. I tell you what, those pretty boys didn't mess about on the ball for the rest of the match, even with Jamie in the changing rooms they were too scared. It's one of those things that always sticks with me and always makes me smile. Not a great piece of skill or example of fair play, but that is just how Jamie is, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
When he's burning up that wing, you better get out of his way, 'cos Jamie's got his lights on...
 
Nuneaton Programme
I know it's only 8 games in, but top of the league and still unbeaten is absolute defo' crack on! Going into the game with Nuneaton we couldn't be in a better position, so let's not forget that the Boro put an end to our unbeaten start last year! OK it was only our fourth game last season but we were still unbeaten up till then. However this year you've got to say we are stronger, more experienced and generally just dead good at everything. Big 'Hussahs' to the lads all round. (prophecy - f*****g right! the b*st*rds done us in the last 10 minutes)

Right that's enough backslapping, cut the serious stuff, time for some heavy messing about. Last time I was allowed over seas we took the Airbus to a faraway land of myth and legend. Well for over seas I mean motorway, erm, and for Airbus I mean minibus. It was Yorkshire so the myth and legend bit remains unchanged! Harrogate, a town famous for... erm... anyway we went to Harrogate.What a hugely, wildly, overpriced �10 entrance fee! The ground is nothing more than Rugby or Solihull! There's a massive drop of about 10 feet in one corner of their pitch. No, really! Take a corner and they give you crampons! North face of the Eiger? Nothing compared to this. 2 squids for a programme that couldn't even spell our name right! The funniest thing of the day though was their crowd. Well I say 'theirs' and 'crowd', but actually it's just an audiotape. I don't even think it's a tape of Harrogate fans, probably just a group of mild mannered Leeds fans joyously celebrating outside the dwelling of the Risdale family. Anyway, this tape of crowd noise is played when the teams enter the pitch and also when Harrogate scores a goal. The PA speaker is bigger than my house, I think it was bought in an M.O.D auction when they closed down one of their nuclear bunkers, I half expected Richard Burton telling me to 'stay calm and remain indoors'. You've got to feel sorry for the Harrogate fans, I mean, how embarrassing is that? How on earth can they try and justify that to other clubs? What the footy club is trying to achieve I don't know, but all they have accomplished is to load up oppo' fans with enough ammo for a great p*ss take. If it wasn't bad enough that some clubs are playing music after goals (because obviously Blur songs have great relevance to goal scoring?), Harrogate have to take it one step further. Why don't they go the whole way and have cardboard cut-outs of fans on the tereraces. They could have a big wooden fence around the pitch with pictures of a huge crowd, like Arsenal's mural years back. Are the footy club telling their own fans that they aren't vocal enough? Or don't support them in the way the footy club want? Either way, when you're stood in the Wetherby Road ground amongst all those dwindling flat caps and are suddenly rudely awoken by the passing throngs of the Maracana Stadium, it's all you can do but look round for Jeremy Beadle in his passing flying saucer! All these dour faces making all that noise? Outta' this world, truly outta' this world...

Paul Barnes, or Bully Barnes as he is becoming known to us, a player familiar to both clubs tonight. Nuneaton fans may always think what might have been if Barnes had signed for Nuneaton and not Doncaster, as he eventually did. With hindsight it seems he would've been a gamble worth taking. OK, Nuneaton may not have made the Conference play offs, but they certainly would've avoided relegation with his goals. If, buts, pots, pans and something or other about rolling stones. DT also took that gamble at the start of this season and I thought "maybe a season too far." Especially as it seemed it would mean one of our existing forwards being shipped out (well done to JJ at Ilson, getting in the goals already and Ilson 2nd in the Unibond One). How wrong I was, erm, again, erm, as usual. 8 games and 6 goals, what a start that is. Is it too much to ask for a hatrick tonight to take it up to a goal a game, nice round figures and all that? (prophecy wrong - in the end it was too much to ask...)
 
Droylsden Programme
Well, you can't say Hinckley don't keep you on the edge of your seat. From comfortably looking like taking all three points against Nuneaton, to throwing it all away in the last 10 minutes, to not even beginning to play at Redditch, and back up to a marvellous performance in the wind and rain at Ashton. Joyride!

The Nuneaton game looked like it was all going so well. Even the comedy routine for their first equaliser couldn't disguise the fact we were running that game. Then for some reason with 10 minutes to go we just couldn't get out of our half. It was like one of those nightmares where everything is in slow motion, but you somehow can't avoid the terrible fate that is waiting for you. Last minute goals are either the best or the worst thing in footy. If we'd have scored it, we'd still be celebrating now, well I would be.

Redditch is best forgotten. Well, apart from the Balti Pies that is, they were lovely, best pies so far this year. Poor Tyrone Mintus seems to be the scapegoat for the Redditch match, he got the public backlash from DT, but really no one had a good game that day. Front to back we were just very poor. It's one of those things and you've got to expect it now and again.
What I can't believe is how Redditch has become the center of the Chav universe all of a sudden. I've never seen so many 'Baby Burberries' in one place. The static electricity created by the combined friction of all those nylon tracksuits surely must solve the north sea oil crisis! I don't remember all that 'Nike and Von Dutch' last time I was there. It was only because there was a fence around the pitch that stopped them ripping up the turf 'pulling donoughts' in their Vauxhall Nova's. Even worse, where were the f*****g stewards. Now I know it's not a huge crowd or indeed a professional league, but you should expect a certain amount of safety at any sporting venue. It's a recipe for disaster when you've got people openly drinking alcohol on the terraces, some even from glasses and not those flimsy plastic things. One of the old Chav's had a 2 litre bottle of White Lightning hid in a plastic bag but gave it away every time he lifted the bag to his mouth to take a swig. He ended up shouting out incoherrent babble at any Hinckley player and anyone passing by. Much better entertainment than the football.

On to Manchester on a cold and windy night, and what a journey! The Independent Travel Club had decided to go M1 and across the peak district. Actually Simon wanted to avoid the traffic for the Man Utd v Liverpool match on the M6. Poor Simon, driving the mini bus through the peak district in a high, blustery winds, with a 40-foot drop down the side of the road. It was seat of the pants stuff! No wonder we came back M6!
The good news wasn't just that the Ashton Social Club had bottled Stella (wifebeater) on a promotion that night, but also that Gavin Stone was back in the side, so that meant it was a run out for the 'Made of Stone' chant for the first time this season. In fact it was a run out for every chant that night, even some new one's that didn't quite work but we used them anyway. It's something about being away in the pouring rain that brings out the tribal instinct. It got one level higher once Sam McMahon had put us ahead early on. We absolutely dominated the game start to finish and should have had 6 if not more goals, but after 2 defeats it was important to get back in the winning habit. The Ashton ground itself was a bit of a ghost town. It seemed to be a footy club for just the old boys. With Manchester United being on the tele' it seemed ridiculous to play on the same night and it's no wonder the ground was full of tumbleweed. It actually wasn't the only plant in the ground, as Ashton appears to have a garden centre in one corner of the ground. A tidy little conservatory lined with plants and flowers, and I thought about taking a few 'planters' back for the missus until I realised it was the director's box! Still, a little bit of green in an otherwise complete concrete ground. The pies were top notch as well, not on a par with the Redditch Balti Pie, but pie and gravy of top quality none the less. Even young Luke graduated to Pie and Gravy. It was the only time we stopped singing and chanting - pie break!
The small group of Chav's trying to scale a 10 foot concrete wall, with a net attached to the top, in the pouring rain provided the entertainment for the night. They were trying to get in and not out. I had to laugh at the teenage female Chav that insisted that not only was her Burberry jacket an original and not from Matalan, but that we all talked 'posh'! F*****g posh? Well I suppose to a City that includes babies as a fashion accessory we were posh. If you want an example of how posh they were, all you had to do was go for a p*ss. There was no roof and the wall surrounding the p*sshouse only came up to your shoulders! You never took your eye off the action, erm so to speak. Excellent night, excellent result, excellent pies, excellent chav watch, extreme sports travelling up, ski sunday afternoon travelling back - it's what football's all about.

Lastly congrats to Neil Cartwright who joined the 200 club on Monday night at Ashton, when he pulled on the Hinckley United strip for the 200th time.
Neil Cartwright-wright, Neil Cartwright-wright.
return to top