View from the Shed March 2003

MARCH 2003

This league terminates here, all change, all change...

Well the Conference eventually got around to making a decision. The final result is that the Conference will expand to 24 teams for season 2003-2004. It will do this by promoting 3 teams from the feeder leagues and only relegating 1 team at the end of this season. Thus saving Stevenage Borough, who were the team that suggested it in the first place. Mmmm. For season 2004-2005 2 new Alliance divisions will be created feeding the Conference. Conference North and Conference South. These divisions will be managed and administered jointly by all the feeders ie Isthmian, Southern and Northern, and the Conference. Everyone has a finger in the big steak and kiddly pie.
How does this affect us? Well if we get relegated it probably won't, however if we survive then it gives us a year to sort ourselves out. There will be 48 places up for grabs, obviously 24 in each division. Criteria for entry into the Conference Division North/South has not yet been finalised but you can bet our current ground would not be of standard. This benefits us with the estimated time of completion on the new ground to be ready for the start of season 2004-2005. With the sale of Middlefield Lane our finances should be all right. Our playing record is not brilliant but the way the Conference have worded it, it seems that anyone finishing above the relegation places at the end of season 2003-2004 would be accepted. So only 2 seasons to survive relegation then. Shouldn't be too hard should it? I'll stock up on pacemakers now then.

In other news, tactics go to the wall, literally. Following the debacle at Folkestone it emerged there was a dressing room bust up involving teacups and walls, a la Alex Ferguson. I did wonder if Buster had got his chair out again but it seems a bit more serious than that. It transpires that the half time team talk was brief and to the point (well to the wall actually.) Thankfully we have Charlie Palmer and Stuart Storer, who professionally carried on where DT finished off. Anyway this brings me to the point. Has DT now taken this club as far as he can? It's not just the fact we got hammered by Folkestone but that this season the playing tactics have been erratic, non consistent and in some cases decisions have been costly both in terms of points and cash. It is clear to all that DT is not a bad manager, in fact he is probably the best manager any Hinckley team has ever had. However the question I'm asking is, is DT the manager to take our club further forward? Personally I think not. The Premier League has proved to be quicker and stronger than most imagined. The tactics used to win the DM Western division have proved inadequate for this division, and we don't seem to have any answer. 29 players used in the league so far and a playing system that changes from first half to second half. We've had no consistency and seem to be chasing games tactically always trying to combat what other teams are doing instead of playing our own game and letting them chase us.
The club is taking the steps off the pitch to prepare for a higher grade of football and, as much as I'm loathe to discard the services of someone who has served the club so well, I think it is also time to take the same steps with the management.

How many 6 point clich�'s can I get in this season?

I only ask because first up this month was a 6 pointer away at Cambridge City, who were 1 place above us at the time. Unusually for a Hinckley team this season we took the lead. After a scrappy and mostly uneventful first half, Hinckley came out for the second pumped up. From a Fox free kick, Lenton headed down for Andy Penny to tap the ball in at the far post. Having took the lead we sat on it. Tommy Whittle was being brought into play more and more and it was only a matter of time before Cambridge equalised. Just to keep our hopes up they left it until the last minute. Whittle, having already survived claims that he went over his own goal line with the ball, came to collect a lofted free kick and somehow dropped it at the feet of Bloomfield, who gratefully tapped in the equaliser. The game finished 1 - 1 and 5 points went begging.
The Rolleston Cup what a worthwhile Trophy. Right in the middle of our relegation battle we would have to play Senior League Leaders Thurnby Rangers. They came with the reputation of being thugs and didn't disappoint. Thugby not being able to compete on a footballing level resorted to the physical approach to stop Hinckley. Thugby, comprising of mercenary players the likes of ex-Hinckley Lynden Rowland and ex-Sh*psh*d Carl Lawrence, took the lead in a break away and decided they would kick anything in red and blue to defend it. It took us a while to get hold of the game but Dave Sadler levelled on the stroke of half time. Second half Hinckley took control and goals from Wilkes and Fox settled it. The whole night was overshadowed by an assault on Martin Fox late on. He was 'two footed' into the advertising boards and had to be carried off on a stretcher. Fortunately the damage was only bruising, which would be crucial for the next match.
Welling United had come to Hinckley in September and comfortably took all 3 points. Hinckley with 1 away win all season and only goal difference keeping us out of the relegation zone would need a really good performance. An end to end first half with no goals but plenty of chances. Hinckley being kept in the game by good saves from Tommy Whittle and Whittle's foot. The second half started with Hinckley taking the lead. Following a corner the ball ran to the feet of Leon Doughty who powered home from 12 yards. Welling continued to push forward and Doughty was unlucky not to score a second on the breakaway. Then Welling equalised. A free kick came over and Edwards headed past the stranded Whittle. 1 - 1 and heading for another inevitable draw. With injury time on the clock Hinckley get a free kick, up steps Martin Fox, who was so nearly decapitated by Thugby Rangers, curling free kick into the top corner, 1 - 2 and Hinckley's second away win of the season is complete.
6 points again! Grantham Town come to Middlefield Lane a couple of points above Hinckley and both teams needed the win. Hinckley had a shot and Grantham had a shot. Er, that's about it really. 90 minutes of nothingness resulting in a 0 - 0 bore draw and another 5 points up the spout.
Folkestone, a team almost certain for relegation, a team who had let in 85 league goals this season already. Final result was Folkestone 4 Hinckley 0. Can you believe it? What more is there to say, the statistics speak for themselves. More tea vicar?
Last game of the month was against Chelmsford City. Sitting in mid table, Chelmsford are a club very similar to us. Promoted in the same season as Hinckley and also with their own plans to move to a new ground. Chelmsford are where Hinckley should be if it weren't for all those drawn games. Anyway the likeness was also apparent on the pitch, with both teams being evenly matched, with chances for both. Hinckley nearly took the lead from the kick off. A melee in the penalty area saw the ball rebound of 2 Chelmsford defenders, then off the post, then deflect off a Hinckley player and finally being headed wide. We did take the lead however only 15 minutes later. Dave Sadler was played through and at the edge of the area chipped the ball over the out rushing Paul Nicholls in the Chelmsford goal. As has been the case in recent weeks Hinckley sat on their 1 - 0 lead. Chelmsford began to control the midfield and finished the first half stronger. They were desperately unlucky not to go in level at the break. Somehow following a low cross into the Hinckley area, they missed a chance almost on the goal line. The second half started the same. Hinckley were deep and Chelmsford used the space given to them gladly. It would only be a matter of time and Chelmsford equalised on the hour. A free kick was lofted in and fell at the feet of Samuels who made certain from 6 yards out. Hinckley responded well and decided to give the ball width again. Neil Cartwright making a number of good crosses from the right but failing to finish them off. Dave Sadler won the game for Hinckley with 5 minutes to go. Chelmsford were playing a very risky off side tactic that went wrong at the wrong time. Sadler clear on goal, again, this time placed his shot wide of Nicholls and it just curled in off the far post. 2 - 1 final score and the month ended on a high with memories of Folkestone hopefully banished.

The month as a whole was not a bad one looking at results. Won 2 drawn 2 and lost 1. However it will be the game against Folkestone that we lost that everyone will remember. Many will say we should've won at least 4 of these games, but you take what you get and we are keeping pace, just, with teams around us.

In out, Shake it all about

The loans begin to mount up, as we are fast becoming Nuneaton's nursery club. Paul Browne and John Turner both join on loan from neighbours Nuneaton Borough. Paul Browne, a defender, has Scottish League experience with Raith Rovers and also played a couple of first team games for Aston Villa. John Turner, a midfield player masquerading as Todd Carty, has seen action at Preston and Blackburn before dropping down to Bamber, Sh*psh*d and Coalville before moving to Nuneaton.

World of Football Stuff

Dagenham & Redbridge boss Gary Hill defended his goal keeper for wasting time in the match with Halifax. Tony Roberts had the ball at his feet in first half injury time and the Halifax players didn't bother to challenge him for it. A bizarre couple of minutes followed as Roberts waited for a challenge and players started performing stretching exercises. It was eventually stopped by the referee blowing for half time. Gary Hill said: "I admit it wasn't nice for the fans who paid to watch it, but Tony was within his rights. It was up to the Halifax players to come and get it."
Wasn't nice? I'd have gladly paid my money to watch that 2 minutes alone. It's the 1% of entertainment that makes up for the other 99% of soulsearching.

Cheeky women footballers are being hauled in front of the FA because of their saucy logo. Chester-le-Street Town Ladies have the motto 'No Bollx' on their kit. It is the title of a book by Keith Brown, who also sponsors the team. Manager Pauline Godward said: "It is no more offensive then French Connection Clothing - FCUK." The FA state that team need official permission to wear logos.
Christ, according to the FA you need official permission to take a p*ss nowadays. Hands up who needs the bathroom, OK we'll convene on Thursday and propose and amendment for bladder relief. If that's ratified we should be able to answer the need arising within 2 weeks of the motion. Er, too late apparently the motion has already passed, oooh Betty, has anyone got a cloth? Personally I think this type of thing is disgusting. No not the logo... women playing football, whatever next? Besides all they have to do is change their name to Stevenage Ladies and they can do what they like.

Amateur Footy club Jolly Farmers were sickened when a severed pig's head was left in their changing room. They were faced with Godfather-like scenes, plus the message "Welcome to Hell", ahead of a local cup game in Nottingham. The stunt was meant to intimidate them and worked as they lost 3-2 to rivals Scots Grey. Scots Grey secretary said: "it was only a bit of a joke." Jolly Farmers decided not to take the matter further with the FA in case the spat escalated.
Jolly Farmers, yeah as if you've ever seen a farmer who smiled. The only reason they were upset was because there wasn't an apple in the pig's mouth, the stuffing was overcooked and nobody had done the roast tatties.
Get orf my laaaand.

Stefan Kuntz, oh how close we came to that when Man United played Basle this month. A certain Basle midfield player with another unusual name You have to wonder if the parents with a surname of 'Hars' actually stopped to consider the life their child might have if they called him 'Bernd'. What was the register like at school?
Miss: "Bernd Hars"
Bernd: "Yes miss"
Miss: "Well don't stand so close to the fire then"
Ho Ho.

Fans who wear gas masks to Middlesbrough matches have been banned because of the current fears over chemical attacks, the club said today. Some supporters, particularly from Sunderland and Newcastle United, wear white chemical suits and dust masks over their faces in reference to Teesside's huge petro-chemical industry. "These suits can incite crowd trouble," said the spokesman. "Given the world situation we feel they are particularly inappropriate." Cleveland Police supported the ban, although admitted that wearing a suit or mask was not an arrestable offence.
andy macmillan © 2003 our lawyers are watching!
Well you said I should!

Coming next Season: The reckoning! 4 home games and crucial away games at Halesowen and Grantham. Last game of the season at home to Cambridge, could it be a relegation decider.

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